Men and women have different listening styles. According to studies conducted on the listening habits of the sexes women and men have different ways of showing they are listening. Women will tend to include affirmative head nodding and other positive listening habits more frequently than men. Men include fewer of these behaviors in their listening. This leaves women with the impression that their husbands aren’t listening and men with the impression that their wives are over listening.
Furthermore, what men and women mean by their listening behaviors may differ vastly. When women nod their heads and say “uh-huh,” they do so to indicate that they are listening and understand what is being said. Men use listening noises more to show agreement. It could be that men are hearing as much as women but are agreeing less!
This complicates the listening process. But what is consistent is that men and women’s listening behaviors both focus on communication. Using listening behaviors to show interest and caring rather than merely agreement serves the emotional aspects of the relationship, a primary focus for women. Using listening behaviors to show agreement with what was said focuses on content or the nuts and bolts of a conversation, the primary focus for men. So, in listening, as well as in many other aspects of communication, men and women remain consistent in style.
Many of us think listening is something we do with our ears. Nothing could be further from the truth. Ears are involved in the listening process, but true listening goes beyond only hearing what is said. True listening demonstrates caring. Those who listen carefully show they care.
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